http://110surrendered.blogspot.com/
May 28, 2011
As told by Katy:
Well, each story has a beginning and so I thought I would share ours :) Lets go back to March of 2010.On March 14th my world had turned upside down..in a bad way. I had been in a courtship relationship for a little over three months and some things had come to light in the young mans life and my Dad (who is my hero) made the decision to break off our courtship. I was devastated.
All my life all I had wanted was to be a wife and Mother. I asked God why He would give me my dream only to snatch it away. In the weeks that followed the Lord began to show me. He showed me that my entire life I had allowed desperation to lead my heart and my life. I had looked to guys for my fulfillment.
Marriage had become an idol.
I was so afraid at the thought of possibly being alone for the rest of my life. But one night the Lord gave me this thought one night: "What if the Lord is calling me to be single for the rest of my life?"
I cringed.
He couldn't be. Could He?
Then I realized what an idol not being alone was to me. And I knew I had to make a decision. Would I surrender my entire life to the Lord's service even if it meant being alone? I thought. And prayed. And probably cried. And then purposed in my heart to serve my Jesus no matter what. That is when I started taking steps towards nursing, because I knew that I could be independent and serve the Lord in that way. I had never wanted a career. But that day when I decided to move forward in my independence I surrendered my hopes and dreams to the Lord. I surrendered my future and stepped out in faith. Alone....for the first time in my life, with only Jesus by my side.
No prospects. No possibilities.
I was heading to the mission field to serve my Jesus in my singleness and I was super excited about it! And nothing was going to stop me!
Ahem. The Lord's ways are not our ways.
One of my girls that had been going to my girls Bible study invited me to a Bible study she had been attending on Sundays. I really did not want to go anywhere near the male species. But I decided I could not stay away from contact with the male species forever. So I swallowed my fear and went.
March 28, 2010. Exactly two weeks to the day my courtship had been broken off. So I get there. There were a ton of people there and I didn't know anyone! So I just sat there and waited for study to start. The leader had gone to pick up someone and so we were waiting for him to get back. Finally he got there and he walked into the room. Jason Hollands. My heart sank. He was very handsome in the white button down shirt and tan pants.
Katy you do not even look at him.
He had a purity ring on that looked like a wedding band. Oh wow that is really neat. Oh snap! Katy cut it out. Do not look at him.
And wow was he a spiritual leader. I sat there amazed as he started the Bible study. The one thing that made the most impact on me was how he prayed. Oh how he prayed.....and it wasn't a show. It was just him coming before his Heavenly Father and having a talk with Him. And it was anytime. Anything. No matter how big or how small. And as we went around the circle, at the very end, he prayed for me. Just me. By name.
Katy stop it! You are going to be single. And happy. And serve the Lord. IN A SINGLE WAY!
I cried the whole way home and went upstairs and determined to not ever go back to Bible Study again. Never. In fact I was not going to ever going to go around guys again. I was considering being a nun! So Mom came upstairs and asked me what was wrong. And finally I admitted that I was just terrified about making the old mistakes with allowing desperation to guide my heart and life and I just knew somehow that if I kept going back I would possibly develop a mindless crush on Jason and I just did not want to even have to struggle with guarding my heart again! I was going to serve the Lord. As a single woman.
Well, Mom ended up telling me that yes I had to slay the old fleshly tendencies to let desperation to lead my heart but hiding was not going to cut it. So, she said to not initiate anything with him. I really clicked with his younger sister Sarah (we talked for hours the first Bible study) and she said to just focus on my friendship with Sarah. So I kept going to Bible Study. On April 4, 2010 I wrote this in my journal about Bible Study:
"Please help me to jealously guard my heart, Lord. Please help me to never go to Bible study just because there are guys there Lord. I truly do just want to be fed spiritually Lord. The reason I am praying about this is because there is a guy there that, if I went back to my old pattern of going from guy to guy searching for completion (out of desperation), I would be tempted to start obsessing/dreaming/crushing about. Jason Hollands is the leader there and very godly BUT I do not know him. I have decided, as a part of slaying this old, fleshly tendency, that I am not going to initiate anything with Jason. I will be friendly but not go out of my way I guess. He friend requested all of us kids today and so I accepted him. Tonight I was on face book and all the sudden he started chatting with me. It was so nice. We just talked about You and encouraged each other in You. I really think we could be good friends but, as of right now, I don't see it as anything more because I DON'T KNOW HIM."
Oh, if I had only known.
So I did not initiate anything. At all. And as the weeks and months went on and we started spending more and more time together I was friendly but did not initiate anything. Jason told me later that me not swooning all over him is actually what intrigued him about me. A few times he thought: What is wrong with her?
We continued to get to know each other, and I started to have feelings for him. And I started to pray that the Lord would take the feelings away. But strangely it didn't work. For months! So when did it start to change? Well...you are going to just have to wait for part 2 :)
Have a testimony to share about how God has written
(or is writing!) your love story?
Share it with us by emailing it to: thekingsbride@ymail.com
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