Eye Candy Will Make You Sick

Can I share something with you that troubles me? Okay, here goes....

Eye candy.

photo credit

Yes, that's right. Eye candy. Pinterest is all the rage right now and, I will admit, I am a fan. I love learning new tips and tricks to better my home, my health, and finding fun activities to try with my kiddo. But I get disturbed when I see tweens, teens, young ladies, and - yes - married women pin pictures of male celebrities onto their boards. ---- Mind you, I'm talking about Christian girls and women.

Remember when your Mom would say, "No more candy. It will give you a tummy ache"? We were taught from an early age that eating too much junk food was bad for us and could make us sick. It's definitely true! Too much candy = bad health. Too much junk food = low energy and an all-around BLEH-feeling! Now let's apply that spiritually.

Spiritually, ANY and all "junk food" makes us sick. It erodes our soul. It drains us of spiritual stamina. It puts our focus on earthly, carnal things instead of heavenly things. Keep in mind sin most always starts with the eyes. We see it. We want it. We take it. The Bible calls it the "lust of the eyes."  (1 John 2:16)

You may be thinking, "Okay I see what you're saying, but I'm just pinning a picture of a good looking guy! No harm, no foul."

I beg to differ.

If you are single, this harms your perception of marriage and devalues men in general. Think about it. Take a second and picture your future husband pinning pictures of ultra-"gorgeous" female celebrities onto his Pinterest board. Picture him gawking and drooling over the skinny, barely clad, airbrushed models that he tags as "sexy" and "delicious." Would it bother you? Intimidate you? Hurt you? Make you feel less than perfect? Likewise. If you fill up your eyes and your mind with "eye candy" you will have little room for good, healthy, Biblical precepts. Proverbs 31:10 asks the question, "Who can find a virtuous woman?"  In verse 12, it says that she (this virtuous woman) does her husband "good and not evil all the days of her life." Let me ask you. Is it virtuous to store up man candy, even while single? Is it doing your future husband good? Are you preparing yourself to be a noble and Godly wife while filing away images of "hot men" that you can (and no doubt will, as is tempting for us to do) compare him to? Think about it, girls. Be wise!

If you are married, this is a slap to your husband. In Matthew 5:27-28, Jesus talks about adultery and says some strong words. He said that if a man looks at a woman and lusts after her, he has already committed adultery in his heart. That goes for us, too! Wow...talk about serious! Proverbs 5:15 instructs husbands to "Drink waters out of thine own cistern..."  What does that mean? It means stick with your own wife. And in like manner WE should stick with our own husbands, not only physically by not committing literal adultery, but in every way! Bring your husband honor by regarding him as the only lover of your heart and the only "candy" your eyes indulge in. Build your house, ladies. Don't pluck it down by foolishly allowing your eyes to drink in the shirtless, seductive-posing Hollywood celebs that you are not married to.

It all goes back to purity. Purity is more than being physically abstinent. It's so much more! And, believe you me, impurity has a knack for knocking down a single young person, and utterly pulverizing a marriage.

Simply put: Eye candy will make you spiritually sick.

Pursuing Purity in Marriage

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If you are single and reading this, then I hope you will take this to heart and remember it for later. If you are married and reading this, I hope you can find encouragement and inspiration.

Simply put: purity isn't a "singleness thing," it's a lifetime thing.

Yes, that's right.

I remember when I was single, I worked hard to remain pure while I waited to be married! It was difficult. Our sex-saturated society mocks abstinence and pushes every temptation imaginable into our view. It is only by God's grace and His strength that we can walk through our single years and remain pure in body and heart. But this post isn't about purity while single. It is about purity while married. I know some of you singles reading this might be shocked and wonder how purity can be a challenge after marriage! I mean, doesn't the struggle end once you walk the aisle and say your vows?? Far from it, I'm afraid. 

Before marriage, the struggle is to keep our body and heart pure, saved for our spouse. So what's the struggle AFTER marriage? Actually, it is exactly the same! - to keep our body and heart pure, saved for our spouse. And the battle is fierce.

Take a look around. Do you see the divorce rate? Have you noticed that affairs and infidelity is at an all-time high? Have you seen the ads, commercials, and TV shows that mock a happy, fulfilled marriage and parade lust and adultery like it's something we should be engaging in? I have. The other day I saw a yogurt commercial where two women gulped down spoonfuls of Greek yogurt because, magically, the more they ate, the more their husbands turned into a celebrity look-a-like. Hmm. A subtle point to lust? Looks like it.

Satan is sharp and is, indeed, roaming around like a hungry lion anxious to devour our marriages. It is up to us to build up walls of protection and guard against his devices.

So what are some practical ways we can have purity in our marriage?

1. First, delve into the Word of God. We are like sponges. If we are full of Jesus, there will be no room for anything else. It is not just important, it's VITAL, to soak ourselves in the Bible. Memorize scripture. Learn more of Who God is. Study. In so doing, we will grow and soak in all that He is. And the more of Him we have, the less of the world we will want.
          
2. PRAY. It is important to saturate our marriage and our husband in prayer. Pray for your husband to be strong, to be courageous, to be the leader that God has called him to be. Pray for strength for him when temptation arises. Remember that just as Satan is after you, he is also going to come against your husband. Pray. It's powerful.
           
3. Have an accountability partner. It can be your husband. It can be a friend (of the same gender). Whomever you chose, make sure that they are strong in their faith and passionate about purity. Pray together. Lift one another up with encouragement. I am thankful that I have a few select women in my life that I can call on and say, "Hey, Satan is trying to fill my mind with impurity. Pray for me right now, will you?" We need each other. It is important to have someone cheering you on, running the race with you, and lifting you up in prayer.
           
4. Remove the bait. Satan will come at us in different ways. What tempts you may not tempt me. So it is important to search our hearts and lives and find whatever our "thing" is that is enticing and remove it. If your computer is a problem, put in a filter, get rid of it, or appoint someone to keep you accountable. There are websites that link your net history to another's computer for better accountability. If it is a TV show or HBO blockbuster, consider turning off your satellite or cable or removing your TV from your home altogether. It isn't extreme to obey the Lord.
                     
5. Steer clear of the devil's pawns. Impurity is everywhere. TV shows like "Sex and the City" and "Friends" where fornication and adultery is praised, should not be considered. Movies like "Magic Mike" where women are encouraged to gawk and giggle over male strippers, we should stay away from. Romance novels like "Fifty Shades of Grey" that explicitly describe what should be private and sacred, should be tossed in the garbage. Music that approves what God calls a sin, we shouldn't let our ears hear. Do not give place to anything that is unholy. If you compromise in the name of entertainment, don't be surprised if you suddenly find yourself unsatisfied in your marriage and far from the Lord.

God is pure, therefore Satan is on the attack against the purity and sacredness of marriage. It doesn't end at the wedding. Purity is a lifestyle. It is a direction. It is an attribute of Christ and, therefore, should be pursued forever.

Cheering you on!

When Marriage Becomes an Idol

Marriage is wonderful. Like most girls growing up, I dreamed about love and living happily ever after. Now that I am married, I often look back to my single years and, while I rejoice in the faithfulness of the Lord and the beauty of a pure past, I can see several pitfalls I wish I would have avoided. I pray you can benefit and learn from my season of singleness....    
     

     

Today I am honored to be a guest post for Megan in her new series, Singleness Saturdays. Continue reading over at He Will Be Faithful.

My "Love Dare" For You

Those of you who have seen the movie, Fireproof, may have recognized the title. In that movie, Caleb, on the brink of divorce, is given a "dare" by his father. The dare shows Caleb what marriage is and, ultimately, leads him to the Cross on the way.
 

Well today is Valentine's Day and, as I type this, I am watching the Tweets and the Facebook posts from people all over. They are posting about flowers, candy, date nights, love letters, their significant others...or their "woes" about being single on this "lover's holiday."  On my personal blog, I posted the other day that Valentine's Day has a pretty rotten origin. And as a Christian, sometimes it's not so simple to know exactly how you ought to respond. My husband and I talked about it again this morning. We don't want to be legalistic but we do want to live righteously. With that being said, I have my own little "Love Dare" for you today. Actually....I have two. :)
 

If you are single...
 
I dare you to draw nigh unto God...(James 4:8)
  
I dare you to trust in Him, with ALL your heart...(Proverbs 3:5)
   
I dare you to let Him show you how to love...(1 Corinthians 13:4-8; John 13:5)
   
I dare you to see HOW MUCH in love He is with you!....(Jeremiah 31:3; Hosea 2:19-20; Romans 8:38-39)
  
I dare you to walk in wisdom, in love, and in purity....(Colossians 4:5; Ephesians 5:2; Matthew 5:8)
   
I dare you to let Him lead you in everything...(Proverbs 3:6)
 

If you are married...
   
I dare you to love each other as Christ loves you...(1 John 4:7)
  
I dare you to put one another above yourself....(Philippians 2:3)
  
I dare you (wives) to be your husband's help meet....(Genesis 2:18, Titus 2:3-5, Proverbs 31:10-30)
  
I dare you (husbands) to be your wife's protector and leader...(Ephesians 5:23-29)
  
I dare you to be kind, patient, and servant hearted with one another...(Galatians 5:13; Galatians 5:22-25)
  
I dare you to let God build your life, your marriage, and your family...(Psalm 127:1-5)
   

On this "day for lovers," I challenge you to fall more in love with our Lord and Savior. Because if HE is the all-complete lover of our souls, then all else will fall into place and into perspective.

Searching For True Love

Are you searching for true love?...

Excerpts from "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"

Choosing to quit the dating game doesn’t mean rejecting friendship with the opposite sex, companionship, romance, or marriage. We can still pursue those things, we just choose to pursue them on God’s terms and in his time.

Some people who hear about my decision not to date till I'm ready for marriage assume that my heart must've broken. No, my heart was made new by my Savior...Having a girlfriend was no longer my greatest need. Knowing and obeying him was.

True love isn't just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or embrace, before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.

Deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is dangerous. It's like going mountain climbing with a partner who isn't sure she wants the responsibility of holding your rope. When you've climbed two thousand feet up a mountain face, you don't want to have a conversation about how she feels 'Tied down' by your relationship.

....dating is a product of our entertainment driven, disposable-everything American culture.

One of the saddest tendencies of dating is to distract young adults from developing their God-given abilities and skills.

God gives us singleness---a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service...
We each have a ‘room’ containing all our sinful deeds and thoughts. But just because we admit this or feel bad about it doesn’t mean we’re forgiven. Remorse can’t save anyone. Only faith in Christ can. Only trust in His death and resurrection for us.

The human heart doesn’t like taking orders from the mind. The time will come for all of us when we won’t feel we’re doing the godly, responsible thing we’re resolved to do.
  
The question is not merely, “Are you and a potential spouse saved?” but rather, “Are both of you in love with Jesus Christ? Will you place Him even before each other?”

And because I’ve experienced it – because Jesus died for me – I’m committed to a love life that is controlled by Him. I invite you along. In the light of the love He’s given us, let’s make purity and blamelessness our priority.

Romance, God's Way

Quotations on Romance

Eric & Leslie Ludy

“Before our relationship ever began, we each individually made a decision to go against the cultural norm – even the Christian norm – by setting ourselves completely aside for each other in every way – mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was a difficult decision to make, yet it was the best foundation we ever could have laid for our marriage.”

“If your future spouse could see you now, as you interact with members of the opposite sex, how would they feel? Would they feel hurt and jealous, or adored and special?”

“Faithfulness is not something that should begin only after the marriage vows are spoken. Faithfulness should be learned and practiced throughout our lifetime.”

“A letter represents something far more than a kiss ever could. It evidences thoughtfulness and the gift of time. While a kiss can prove tender, it must overcome the stigma of impulsiveness to truly display love. A letter on the other hand, when written in the spirit of ardor and romance – even if it never mentions passion – strokes the heart deeper than any other form of physical touch. A kiss cannot be felt again and again from a great distance, but a letter can be read and reread thousands of times. A kiss only familiarizes the lips with the physical body of a lover. A letter familiarizes the heart, mind, and soul. Maybe that’s why God chose to write us a letter.”

“God knows what we’re attracted to better than we do.”

“Give God the Pen. The single reason He gave us the pen was so we could give it back to Him.”

“Tenderness means looking at life through their eyes.”

“Romance is more difficult after the honeymoon because you’ve won their heart…now you must cherish their heart.”

“A woman’s perception of her beauty is shaped by the men in her life. So be artists, be gentle and tender with the words you guys speak.”

“A man’s sense of masculinity and confidence flows directly from the women in his life. If the thing he works hard at is validated by a woman, it will stay with him for the rest of his life.”

Advice To Girls: “Keep your standards high and keep trusting that that Knight in Shining Armor is out there for you and set yourself aside completely in purity for that person.”

Advice To Guys: “Same thing, but also the character of Christ. I deal with girls all over the country—all over the world even—and I know that they’re more impressed with sensitivity, kindness, gentleness, and a pure heart than they are with muscles, smooth talk, and everything down just perfect. It’s the character of Christ that will win out in the end. So if you keep your standards high, God will not disappoint you.”
  

   

Many years ago, I was introduced to Eric and Leslie Ludy; a couple who saved their first kiss together for their wedding day. I was moved. I was inspired. I was motivated. Because of their story, I chose to remain practice purity - of the mind, heart, and body - and save it all for my husband on our wedding day. In March of 2010, just one month before my wedding, I was blessed to be able to attend a conference with two of my sisters where I met them and was able to share how God used their testimony in my life. I pray you, too, will be encouraged to learn about romance....God's way.

Waiting For You

Back in 2009, two friends became engaged. Jason and Jessica. Their story is featured here on King's Bride. As I eagerly awaited their wedding, I found myself penning the following song down. Later, I ended up recording a demo and sending it to them, it having been inspired by their story. At the time, I was seven months away from my own wedding and anxiously awaiting the day I, too, would be able to say to my groom, "I've been waiting for you!"

I hope you are encouraged to continue to wait.

Click here to listen to "Waiting For You"


He was running through the fields
She was picking flowers
He was fishing in the pond
She was playing house
Now they're standing at the alter together
They're about to exchange their wedding vows

As they look into the eyes of one another
You can almost hear them as they say...

Chorus:
I've been waiting for you
I've been praying for you
And now I'll spend my life with you
God sent you to me after faithfully
Waiting for you

There were days
When he almost gave up hoping
There were nights
When she wondered at God's plan
But they waited and they both remained faithful
Entrusting their lives into God's hands

Now as loved ones and friends all gather 'round
You can almost see the Savior smiling down
As they say....

Chorus:
I've been waiting for you
I've been praying for you
And now I'll spend my life with you
God sent you to me after faithfully
Waiting for you

God Hasn't Forgotten You

Home from Wednesday night youth meeting, she walked into her room, tossed her purse and Bible on her desk, then dropped to her bed. With a tired sigh that went beyond physical fatigue, she just sat there silently, lost in thought.

Another night with Church friends who were more like acquaintances....

Another night having to ignore the silly giggling from "that couple"....

Another night of being given scowls and glares when she spoke anything remotely concerning set-apartness....

With a pounding headache and an aching heart, she sat there, silently, wondering what she should do. Nobody wanted to live differently. Nobody really even liked her. Oh, they liked parts of her, I suppose, but nobody truly wanted to be her friend....and she knew why. She was different. She believed different things.... like love being worth waiting for; like purity being something to prize and protect. She dressed in a different way.... no miniskirts or plunging, low necklines. She acted differently too. She didn't shameless flirt with the guys around her. She didn't let out the cute little giggle when a guy made eyes at her. She didn't bat her long eyelashes their way or sway as she walked pass them. She was far different from those around her and though she was proud of that fact, the frustration of being utterly alone in her pursuit of "different living" was beginning to weigh on her.

"Lord," she prayed. "Have you forgotten about me?"

With tears in her eyes, looked down at her bedspread. "God....were you watching tonight? Did You see them sneak that kiss with the youth director left the room? Did You hear what they were whispering to each other and writing about all throughout the lesson? Do You see how they treat me?.....God, they all act like they are so happy with their significant other. I know I have chosen the right path and the right way, so why am I hurting right now?? Why am I lonely tonight when they are giggling like crazy?? God, are You still there??"

I remember that night. Actually, I remember many nights exactly like that. Sadly, in my pursuit of purity, I had no support system outside of my parents. If it hadn't been for them, I could have possibility been driven to lowering my standards. But oh, how I wanted to be different! I wanted to be truly set-apart. Because of the fact that practically everyone my age thought I was crazy in that area of my life, there was no one to encourage me to hang in there other than my mom and dad. At that time, I was having so many attacks from friends, Church people, and even family members who thought that my "set-apart" way of living was unrealistic, old fashioned, outdated, lame, a form of abuse from my parents, and the like.

It hurt.

I remember that night as I sat on my bed, trying to keep my tears from pouring down my face. I felt lonely that night. I felt forgotten by God. And it was then that He gave me these words:

Come back to me.
          
In moments of doubt and frustration and loneliness, instead of wallowing in self-pity, what we SHOULD do is run back into the comforting arms of the Lord. His strength is made perfect in weakness. When we stray a bit from Him, we begin to feel its effects. We grow stale in our faith. We begin to doubt. We get lonely. We even wonder, as I did, if God has forgotten all about us. After that night, I tried to take those moments of loneliness as a call from my Father to come back to Him. HE never leaves. We do the leaving; we do the straying. And though WE may forget the many promises that He has made, He never forgets.

When we hurt, He feels that hurt and longs for us to allow Him to comfort us.

When we are lonely, He aches with us, yearning to wrap us up in His arms.

When we are tired of waiting, He is there, ready to sustain us with His strength.

In your pursuit of purity and in your season of waiting, I want to encourage you to, as Mary Slessor once said, keep close to Jesus. Do not stray from His presence. In those moments of loneliness, please remember that God has not forgotten you, nor will He. He sees far beyond what we see and is scripting a beautiful love story for you....all you have to do is give Him the pen and trust Him.
              

Purity Lost

I do not understand the mentality of this society. No one listens to the voice(s) that's crying out; voices of caution. No one heeds the warning signs anymore. I will never understand why so many gift away the most beautiful, priceless thing they own as a mere trinket. They choose to give away their purty - a precious, God-given jewel - like something they bought from a dime store. I don't understand why they offer it up to the highest bidder or give it out as a prize for a game; why they hand it over without question, without committment. A heated moment in the backseat and all is lost. Love just isn't patient anymore.

It seems as though, every time I turn around, I hear of another friend, loved one, or acquaintance who has gone down the road of premarital sex. And I wonder why. If I could only sit down with them, I would ask them WHY?

Why did you give it all away? What was your reason? What justified your actions? Don't you know that there is a better way? Do you not see the damage you have done? Did you do it because you wanted to feel loved and accepted? Why not turn to God who loves you so much He gave His Son to die for you? Why not turn to the Author of love? Why? Why?

Jeremiah 29:11-13
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart."

As a teenager, I remember spending night crying over losing one friend after the next to sexual promiscuity. I would see them beging to date around, then slowly give themselves away. Next, I would see heartbreak, pregnancy, diseases. I saw a tremendous amount of emotional pain by toying with sexual sin. It hurt me to see them go through so much....it still hurts today. If only they had resisted Satan's temptation.

In 2004 I wrote the following prayer in my journal:

Oh Lord, please come and touch my generation. May it be a generation that pleases You!..a pure, unadulterated, clean generation who lives to glorify You in their bodies. Help me, as a Christian, come out and separate myself from the ungodliness of our society and be a light in this world.


Now, seven years later, I echo that same prayer.

I pray each one of you will hold on to your precious purity and guard it; treasure it; keep it safe. Keep it sacred. Do not lose something so valuable and beautiful.

Psalm 37:3-7
"Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass."
            
Do you know what you have done;
What you had, then gave away?
I gave you something so special,
Something wonderful to save.

I gave you your purity,
Something that I made
For your one and only love
That I would send your way.

But you threw it to the wind
With no thought of tomorrow.
You had your fun and pleasure
That soon turned to sorrow.

You gave away to many
What I had made for only one,
And the sin you have committed
Has been placed upon my Son.

Why did you give it all away
When you could have had a life so pure?
All you had to do was trust me
But now the pain, you must endure.

I love you still, and you are forgiven.
There is cleansing and freedom today.
But it does not change your past.
Oh, why did you give it all away?

Skills in Singleness

Learn to be a person of prayer (1Tim 2:1-8)
Too few of us, myself included, have established strong prayer lives–yet Paul states that this is essential for living a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.

Learn modesty, good works, and submission (1 Tim 2:9-14)
Women are encouraged to adorn themselves with modesty, with good works, and with submission. This is a skill we can grow in; even as married women.

Learn discernment (1 Tim 4:7-8, 6:20-21; 2 Tim 2:15-19)
Paul commands Timothy to “reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise [himself] toward godliness.” So we too, would do well to develop discernment in doctrine and practice.

Learn to walk in purity (I Tim 4:12, 5:22; 2 Tim 2:21-22)
Contrary to the depraved world in which we live, where singles are encouraged to do whatever they like, Christian singles are called to live lives of purity.

Devote yourself to the Word of God (1 Tim 4:13,15-16; 2 Tim 1:13-14, 4:2-4)
I believe single adults have a unique opportunity to dig down deep into the Word of God – both reading it, speaking it, and doing it. Paul says singles are not distracted–what better time to “give attention” to the Word?

Learn to walk in your gifts (1Tim 4:14; 2 Tim 1:6, 4:5)
Singleness is also a great time to learn what your gifts are and to begin to practice them. Don’t sit around and wait until you are married to get involved within your local church and your community. Ask God what role He would have you play–and get doing it. Don’t waste your singleness by living only for your own pleasure.

Develop healthy relationships (1Tim 5:1-2)
Paul encourages Timothy to develop healthy relationship with older men and older women (treating them as parents) and with younger men and women (treating them as brothers and sisters). We can learn how to glorify God and honor others in our relationships.

Learn contentment (1 Tim 6:6-10)
Contentment goes further than singleness. We can learn to be content with our circumstances, with our possessions, with our relationships, etc.

Be discipled and disciple someone (2 Tim 2:2)
Paul encourages Timothy to take what he (Timothy) has learned from him (Paul) and to teach it to others. Timothy is one link in the chain of making disciples. In the same way, we ought to be links in the chain of discipleship. Seek out older believers who can mentor you. Don’t wait until you have kids of your own to begin to pass along what has been entrusted to you. Find a younger man, a younger woman, a child, that you can commit the word of God to. I promise you won’t regret it.

Maintain your focus (2 Tim 2:3-7, 4:5)
Endure hardship. Resist temptation. Look forward to the prize. Don’t let either the trials or the pleasures of this world distract you from the treasure that is Christ Jesus.

Learn humility (2 Tim 2:24-26)
This one gets me every time. Learn humility–avoiding worthless disputes. Being gentle. It’s tough, but it’s necessary.

Recognize that singleness is not a sit-on-your-hands-until-something-better-comes-along time. Singleness is a time when we should be fully focused on God and on advancing His kingdom. Singleness is a time when we can develop our relationships with God, with His body, and to win the lost. Singleness is a time to grow in godly character and to be conformed into the image of Christ. Don’t waste your singleness.

Popular or Pure?

“The world has enough women who are popular. It needs more who are pure. We need women, and men too, who would rather be morally right than socially correct.” - Peter Marshall

Let Him Write

There was an 18 year old girl who was envied by many of her friends. She was popular, physically beautiful, pursued by many boys in school and at Church. She was funny, outgoing, and involved in various activities in the community. She was also mischievous, seductive, and beguiling. She used her outer beauty to entice the men around her. She used her charm to get exactly what she wanted. She used her sense of humor to glaze over and camouflage her recklessness and sin. Though she grew up in Church and professed to be a Christian, she was never seen telling anyone about Jesus, reaching out to others in need, or living a life of purity and set-apartness. What happened to this girl? She went from one boy to another. She gave all that was pure and innocent and sacred away. No strings attached. Not much concern or shame over all that she threw away. Years wasted and far too much gone forever...

There was another 18 year old girl. She, too, grew up in Church and professed Christ. She was physically gorgeous and inwardly beautiful. She was popular and regularly in the minds of many guys. She was funny and smart and down to earth, involved in as many things as she could be. She was gracious, kind, easy to get along with and viewed by all as a true and genuine friend. Along with all those attributes, she was known to be vocal about her love for Jesus, seen by many going down the streets telling people about what He had done in her life. She went on mission trips and reached out to the poor and homeless. Though plenty of men wanted her, she never used her beauty or her charm to entice them in. Her goal was to be set-apart, pure, noble, and honourable; keeping everything special and innocent sacred.

The above stories are true stories about real girls.

The first girl isn't just one person, but many friends in my past. As I went through my teenage years, one by one, far too many of my friends sank down into the common "21st Century Girl" who used everything God gave them to allure men into their beds.

The second girl, I am proud to say, is my sister. As the world turns more ungodly and the women of this generation become exceedingly crude and seductive, it appears that my sister (and many more just like her) rise higher and higher, pursuing a consecrated life with more zeal than before. And I am inspired more and more.

Purity has been my platform for years. Now that I am married and about to have a little one, I am all the more passionate about getting this message out to all who have ears to hear: Give Jesus the pen of your life. Then step back and let Him write.

There are too many like the first girl.

There are too few like my sister and those like her.

There are too many who refuse to let God have control of their love life and decide to take their high school and college years and have fun. Go out, date, experience heartbreak, toy with fire, fall into temptation, and probably lose their innocence and maybe even wind up with a pregnancy or STD. And why? All in the name of "normal."

There are too few who stand up and say, "The God who gave all for me, will now have MY all....my love life included." Rejecting the pattern of divorce training (hooking up, breaking up, hooking up, breaking up) and refusing to toy with hearts and minds is, surprisingly, looked down upon and deemed "unrealistic." Choosing to develop real friendships that go beyond "who-likes-who," and living in such a way that other stop and watch is noted as "weird." Well.....Jesus was quite different. He was very much set-apart. He went against society. He pursued higher things and greater purposes. So I say, "bring on the weirdness!" And on a side note, it is not only possible, but VERY realistic in the eyes of God to use your single years as a gift from God, "redeeming the time" and making it count for something eternal. 

When I stood before my groom on my wedding day, almost a year ago, it was the most sobering thrill of my life to be able to say, "I have no baggage from past relationships. I have no one to compare to. I don't have a history of hooking up, breaking up, and trashing your name with my friends. No one has had what YOU now have. What God created as sacred and innocent and pure has been preserved for you, and you alone." How I wish EVERYONE could say those words!

The first girl, sadly, will not be able to say that.

The second? Most definitely! And I can already hear the angels rejoicing and see the Lord smiling down.

So what I would like to say to each girl (and guy!) is this: Give Jesus the pen, then step back and let Him write.

Recommended Reading

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris

When I read this book years ago, at age 13, my whole life was challenged and changed. This is a great book that calls all young people to examine the dating game, kiss it goodbye, and begin redeeming the time.

Boy Meets Girl by Josh Harris

The sequal to "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" this is a great book that helps you with all the "what now's" and "how to's" of courtship and engagement.

When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy

This is a must-have! Giving a beautiful vision of God-scripted romance, this book introduces you to the kind of love God has for His children and gently calling every generation to trust the pen of life into the Author of Love's hands.

When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy

Following the path of "letting God write," the Ludy's share their own story of how Christ revealed Himself to them, guided them, and brought them together. It is definitely one of the most beautiful love stories I have ever read!

Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

"Does God want everything?" YES, He does! In this book, Elisabeth tells her story of her five year courtship to Jim Elliot and how she learned to release her desires into the hands of Christ in the midst of passion and impatience, she challenges all to live a life of passionate purity.

For Girls:

Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy

In this book, Leslie shares stories and testimonies of modern young women who are using their season of singleness to glorify and serve Christ instead of constantly in pursuit of "Mr. Right." She challenges women of all ages live counter to the culture and passionately pursue Jesus Christ, using the sacred season of singleness as an opportunity to live a poured out life.

For Guys:
God's Gift to Women by Eric Ludy

Our culture exalts qualities of masculinity that are far from the attributes of Jesus. This book challenges the guys to rise up and be men of God, blending courage and warrior strength with kindness and spiritual sensitivity, showing young men how to become the heroic, selfless knight that every woman dreams about.

Dear Sisters

Since I have been married, several single sisters have had many questions for me.

Is waiting worth it? What can I do now when I feel alone? Is there really someone out there for me?

With Valentine's Day just ending, I know many of you who are waiting for your Prince Charming may be feeling down and lonely. Some of you might have a boyfriend and are wondering if waiting is really worth it in the end. Well my sisters, I have some things to say to you....


Dear Sisters,

As I sit here in the morning light, God is reminding me of how faithful He is. He has given me a new day. He has given me His love and salvation. He has given me a wonderful family and great friends. He has given me an amazing husband who is the love of my life and, to top it off, He has even given me a baby boy on the way! I do not know all of you, nor do I know what you go through in your day-to-day life; your ups and your downs. I do not know your life's ambitions and I don't know the deepest desires of your heart. But I can guess that you desire love. You desire a knight in shining armor. You long for a "happily ever after" kind of love story. After all, that is how our God created you.

What can I possibly say to you that would accurately describe how big our God is? It amazes me that when I was 15 years old, single, and wondering if I would ever find true love, God was orchestrating a beautiful story up ahead of me. And I had no idea! When I met my husband-to-be when I was 21 years old, little did I know that my Lord was smiling down, knowing that I wouldn't catch on to His master plan until over a year later! God is much bigger than our minds can possibly fathom. I know you may be sitting there wondering if He has forgotten you or if He really cares about your relationship status. I assure you that He has not forgotten you, and I can testify that He does care, even about the most minute details of your life. That's the kind of God He is. I used to wonder the same things you may have wondered about. I wanted a noble Knight to charge into my life and win my heart. I wanted a fairytale story and I wanted a love worth waiting for. I wondered if I would actually get what I dreamed and prayed for. I doubted God's faithfulness, but He proved me wrong!

How could I possibly encourage you to wait on the Lord? We live in an "instant" world. We have microwavable dinners, instant messages, and everything quicker and faster. Day by day, it gets easier and easier to become impatient and discontent. In relationships, it is no different. I remember when I made the choice not to date. I had gotten a glimpse of something big and beautiful. I pictured my wedding day and my wedding night and the more I dwelt on it, then more I wanted to be able to stand before my groom and give him everything. No leftovers. No past history. No baggage. No comparisons. Was it easy to wait? No, it wasn't. But was it worth it on my wedding day? YES, it was!


My sisters, if I could say two things to you I would say:

1. Wait on our God. If you are playing the dating game, ditch the boyfriend until the Author of Love sends you HIS choice. Do not take the writing pen into your hands, but let our Lord script your story. HE writes only the best love stories! Let Him have control. The Bible says that our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and to guard it closely (Proverbs 4:23). Do not give pieces of your heart and body away. Do not throw around "I love You's" because each time you do, it becomes less meaningful to your future husband. Dear friends, I cannot stress the magnitude of the beauty that comes with waiting. It is worth every sacrifice, every tear of loneliness, every dateless night, and every moment you spend patiently waiting on the Lord. Do not doubt His faithfulness. Please, wait. And while you are waiting.....
   
2. Fall in love with Jesus. As you sit patiently and wait for your earthly prince to come and carry you away into the sunset (it still happens, believe you me!), fall more in love with your heavenly Prince, Jesus Christ. As you draw nearer to His heart, He will comfort you, strengthen you, and fill your life with joy and contentment....and the waiting won't be much of a big a deal anymore, because you will be totally taken up with Christ. The Bible says that the Lord will give each of us the desires of our hearts IF we delight in Him (Psalm 37:4-5). I encourage you to do so. Learn more about who He is and what He has done and will do. Read His love letter to you. Talk with Him. Lean on Him. Run to Him. Adore Him. The more your mind and heart is captured by Jesus, the more beautiful your earthly love story will be. And rest assured that no sneaky prince-wanna-be will be able to deceive you if you are completely focused on Him. Instead, the noble man of God that the Lord has in store for you will not only be captivated by your relationship with Jesus, he will lead you even closer to Christ! Sisters, please do away with distractions and petty come-and-go things. Fall into the arms of our ever-faithful, constant Companion and Champion, Jesus. You will never regret it.

What more can I say? The choice is yours, but I pray fervently that each of you will catch a glimpse of the glorious love story our God has for you.....and then serve your faithful King as you wait. It is worth it....and He is faithful.

Love,
    your sister

Purity of Heart and Mind

My first post of 2011. Sorry it has been a while, everyone.

Lately, I have been heavily thinking about mental purity. There have been plenty of books written, songs sung, and websites launched that encourages and promotes physical purity. And bravo! But here is a thought: What about the purity of the mind? What about the purity of the heart?

Of course, I am married and many may think that I am free from the "purity challenge." Quite the contrary. In fact, after marriage, purity of every kind is just as vital and important. Yes, I may be married and, therefore, "free" in my physical relationship with my husband, but discipline must still be practiced and self control is still just as important. I must be on guard against the enemy who would love nothing more than to  smear the mud of sin on my marriage, my family, my testimony and my relationship with my King.

You may be wondering what type of tactics Satan can (and will!) use to try to destroy your mental and emotional purity. Here is a small list of things to stay away from:

1. Romance novels. I worked several years at a library in my hometown before I married. I remember so well all the many women - young and old - who would walk in regularly and exchange one stack of romance novels for another. What I came to discover is that most of the women who walked in and began a conversation with us, workers, would never speak positively about their husband. It was not uncommon for them to gush over some celebrity and make jokes as to how they would love to be their wife. I remember picking up a romance novel one day to see what all the fuss was about and was horrified at the explicit, frank, and anti-God language and story lines. What an abomination in the eyes of a holy God! I would encourage every woman - young and old - to abstain from romance novels....even most under the Christian label, as those can (and will) sometimes lure your heart and your emotions to some fictional character instead of toward your husband (even your future one). They will breed resentment and disrespect, both of which are sin. GOD created your husband, your father, and your brothers and though they are far from perfect, God commands us to respect and honor them. Keep your heart pure and reserved for only one.

2. Relationships with boy-crazy friends. If you want to maintain (or build) mental and emotional purity, sometimes it is most wise to keep yourself from being drawn into conversations and close friendships with girls and women who talk constantly of the latest heart throb. It can be so tempting to jump in and agree in their physical appraisal of "this-or-that guy" and then suddenly find yourself talking non-stop about who YOU think is the most handsome hunk on the planet. Now, married ladies, I will say that there is nothing wrong with bragging on your husband. In fact, it is needed in today's society. But do be mindful of how you brag and what words you choose. Be aware of your sisters in Christ who are not married and seeking to keep their focus on Christ. Do not tempt them to be boy crazy or dwell on boyfriends before the Lord's timing.

3. Secular Magazines. Picture this.... you are standing in the check-out line. Your eyes glaze over the magazine rack. What do you see? I'll tell you. You see pictures of women in skin-clad clothes and bikinis, you see headlines that talk of the latest "do's-and-don'ts" of sexual flings, and you see their advice on how to sizzle when you dress, talk, walk, and even sleep! How do you think reading these things affect your mental purity? Where will it lead your mind? If you are single, do you think it would make you dwell on physical relationships and tempt you to be outwardly attractive using their advice? If you are are married, do you think you will find yourself curious to try their techniques and hungry for more info to "spice" up your life? If you are human, then it most certainly will and that is exactly what their agenda is. I would encourage you to keep away from Cosmo, Elle, Glamour, Seventeen, Maxim, Vogue and the like.

4. Immodest dress. Modesty vs. fashion has always been a struggle. When we have curves, there is a desire in us that wants to flaunt them in tight, revealing clothes. But what are our motives for doing this? It could be to attract attention from males but, in so doing, we often lead them into lust, which makes us a stumbling block and the object of their sin. Another reason could be so we can feel attractive and desirable, selfishly thinking of our own beauty instead of considering the needs of our brothers and the enormous amount of spiritual discipline it takes for them to remain pure. Ladies, choose your clothes wisely. Many of the every-day clothes that girls now wear to school and church were the same type of outfits worn by prostitutes in the 80's. Statistics have proved that immodest clothing is one of the top 5 reasons girls become sexually active at an early age; many of them going on to becoming unwed teen mothers. Honor God with your dress. Cover yourself. Adorn yourself in grace and holiness.

5. Movies and Music. Okay, this one is a tough one. I am a girly girl who LOVES a good love story. But lately, I have been challenged in this area. What kind of movies do we watch? In terms of purity, do we own movies that have sexual scenes in them? Do we enjoy movies that promote the sin of fornication and/or adultery? Do we find ourself drooling over the actors or wishing that our husband "was like that"? Those are some questions to ask and tell-tell signs that what we're watching is not of God. And what about the music we listen to? Where does it lead your heart and your mind? What do the lyrics speak of? Is it glorifying God? Or is it glorifying a sinful relationship? Ask yourself these questions and prayerfully consider what God would have you to do. I would reccomend cleaning out your movie and CD shelf and your iTunes library.

Those are just 5 areas that Satan is using to destroy the purity of heart and mind in today's world. There are so many more! I have to be on guard against them. For the sake of my intimacy with Christ, for the sake of my marriage, for the sake of my family and future family, and for the sake of my testimony as a Christian, I must be careful to remain pure, not just in body, but in mind and heart as well.

Ladies, be watchful. Be vigilant. Be aware of the movies you watch, the music you listen to, the clothes you wear, the friendships you have, and what you read and put into your mind and heart.

As a wise girl once wrote, "If we can take every thought captive in obedience to Christ (easier said than done; it takes lots of prayer and diversion) than we're on our way to emotional purity." Amen and amen.

Proverbs 4:23
"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

Philippians 4:7
"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Romans 12:2
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

2 Corinthians 10:5
"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;"

It's Worth It All

Years ago, my family sang a song that said,

It's worth it all to feel a fire that's burning deep within
It's worth it all to know I'm saved and I am free from sin
Just to feel His touch and know that He is coming back again
It's worth it all, it's worth it all

Though that song has little to do with sexual purity, I couldn't help but sing those words yesterday as I was scurrying around the house doing what housewives do.

I was going through my iTunes yesterday after and, to my delight, I found our wedding ceremony loaded onto my computer....so I watched it, reminiscing about that day. During the ceremony, my Dad, who performed the marriage, told my story to the 250+ witnesses gathered there. He spoke of my commitment to purity and all the trials that came with waiting and waiting....and waiting....for 24 years. As he ended my story, he said, "And aren't you glad, Kristen, that you held on?" I was! Just seconds from my first kiss and hours from my wedding night, I was so glad that I had waited for my prince; that I had saved everything for him and him alone. As I watched the video yesterday and heard myself sing "I Do," my song to my groom, I literally wept.

Grant and I have been married for 6 1/2 months and yet it seems like it has been years ago since I sat on my bed writing in my journal about how difficult it was to be patient. It feels like it's been years since I was a single girl, uninterested in any guy, yet hoping and praying that one day I would have a fairytale love of my own. I spent years saying "no" to kisses, trying to avoid the inevitable "Will you go out with me?" pleas. I spent years watching one friend after another get their heart broken, bash their ex behind their back, then hook with up another "perfect" person and....well....rinse and repeat. Years of hearing, "Oh, she's pregnant now. Did you know?" and "She and so-and-so.....you know."

Am I glad those years have gone? Definitely. However, I wouldn't trade those years for anything. They made me stronger, more determined to do things God's way. Yet, looking back, I remember the discouragement that came from time to time. I remember getting on my knees, asking God for forgiveness, and then strength to do things the right way. I remember crying and then hearing my Lord's voice saying, "Come to me. I am your Lover, I am your Prince...and I won't leave. Trust ME."

It was hard. It always is when you do things the Lord's way. Jesus said that His road is narrow. It is filled with hills and valleys, storms and sometimes vicious hurricanes. But oh....how sweet it is to walk with Jesus! To KNOW that you are in His will. Somehow, no matter how dark the sky may be, there is still a peaceful calm and a ray of sunshine when you are walking the narrow road of Christ, with Him at your side, guiding you, leading you, strengthening you, interceding for you....

That's how I feel, looking back. Did I face the storms of laughter, jokes, and condescending looks? Yep. Did I face the loss of friends, the headache of being unable to find a guy who truly wanted to be my friend, no strings attached? I did. Did I wonder if it was really worth it? Did I wonder if all the hard work would pay off? Yes.

*smile* But after 6 1/2 months of wedded bliss with a Godly, handsome, tender, passionate, romantic, strong, faithful husband with whom I will have a little one come April....I have to say, like that old song says, it's worth it all!  

....it's worth it all.

The Single-Hearted Virgins

Written by Thaysse Costa and found on the Set-Apart Girl website in their latest magazine, the following poem captures what should be the heart of every young woman.

I heard Him say, "Be single-hearted, My Bride"

The applause and shame of men despise.

Care not at all what they think and say,

Place thy eyes on Me: I will not delay.

Break at My feet alone thy spikenard jar,

I want thy heart from Me not afar.
Incline to Me thy intimate thoughts;
Embrace the narrow road that is rough -
For My love is far better than wine;
For thou art Mine, and I am thine.
Run to Me despite what thy enemies tell,
I have crushed them under My feet; they all fell.
My blood will cover thee in and out of need,
It will empower thee for multitudes to feed.
Examine My Word to find Me alone,
Each new day let me rule in thy hearts throne.
Be not afraid, I uphold thee in My right hand;
I am the One who will make thee stand.
My grace, love, and peace have already sufficed;
I AM thy Lover, thy LORD; I AM thy Christ.
Deny thy interests, give Me thy life;
I long to make thee a gracious wife.


The single-hearted virgins were bought with a price;
Their affection and interest are for the Risen Christ.
With undivided heart they delight in His name,
To be His and His alone they are not ashamed.
In Adullam's cave they have joined their King;
In being hunted and despised for His sake they rejoice and sing.
There they are made ready for the fight,
Being freshly anointed with the captain's might.
In pain and purging they cleave to the Spirit's Sword;
In the Lord's strength and grace they march forward.
The Lamb's righteousness is their cloak,
And only in the cross they dare to boast.
They become Mary sitting at Jesus' feet,
And following only where the Spirit leads.
With effectual fervent prayers they intercede;
Building up broken walls, standing for the least.
They do not indulge under a chapel's bell,
But spend themselves within an yard from hell.
In the bedrocks of unchangeable truth they stand
Immovable and shielded by the Almighty Hand.
And this is the single-hearted virgins' cry:
"Give the glory due to the Triune GOD on High!"

Like a Bride Adorned

A few days before my wedding, my parents presented me with a special gift: a beautiful white gown and robe for my wedding night. Along with their present was a small card. When I opened to read what they had written inside the card, all I found was this:

Revelation 21:2
Love,
Dad and Mom

It didn't take long for me to find the verse which says, And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

....as a bride adorned for her husband.
 
I had read that verse many times throughout my life, but that night, just a few short days until my wedding, that verse took on a whole new meaning.
 

When I think of the new Jerusalem that will come down from Heaven one day, I think of beauty. Splendor. Glory. Shining, glistening, gleaming....   When the holy city comes down, it will be a sight to behold! And the Bible likens that glorious picture to a bride adorned for her husband. What a comparison!! Before that night when my parents presented me with their special gift, I had always thought that the bride's adorning the verse spoke about was her wedding gown. And it could very well be. However, after I received that beautiful evening gown and robe, I began to really dwell on that verse.

 

....as a bride adorned for her husband.

 

For her HUSBAND. Not a crowd of people. Not her friends or family, but for her husband. To me, that speaks of privacy. I think of intimacy. Sacred. Mysterious. I think of purity. How should a bride be adorned for her husband? She should be adorned in holiness, in glory. She should be adorned in beauty, but it should be a beauty that is reserved for her husband only. Far too many women refuse to protect that which is pure and sacred. In our culture, girls and women flaunt their bodies and reveal themselves to everyone around them. Then when they adorn themselves for their husband on their wedding night, they are giving him a view of their beauty that has, usually, already been glimpsed, if not completely seen, by many others. Sadly, the adorning that most choose is NOT likely to be compared to the holy city of Jerusalem in all its splendor and glory.

If I could encourage you girls, ladies, and brides out there to do one thing, I would encourage you to adorn yourself honorably for your husband. Keep what is sacred, SACRED. Keep what is mysterious under wraps. Make up your mind to refuse to dress or act unholy. My prayer for each of you is for you, as a bride, to be holy and clothed in splendor....like that holy city of God we will see one day.

 

 

Pamela's Prayer

If you have never seen the inspirational movie, Pamela's Prayer, than you are definitely missing out! My parents discovered this movie several years ago and it was such an encouragement to me in my commitment to chaste living.

This is the trailer of a great and powerful movie that promotes purity and saving everything for marriage. Based on the true story of Pamela Bucklin, it is about a girl who obeys her earthly and heavenly father, and who pursues righteous and pure living....including saving her first kiss for her wedding day. Check it out and be inspired!